So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
