I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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