My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
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also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
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I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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