I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
