matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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