My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
