Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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