I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
well you can't waste a boner
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
