i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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