Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
