it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
