bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
