no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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