Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
