is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
