he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
