i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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