Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
