I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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