Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
