Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I have tasted many bathrooms
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
