oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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