Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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