I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
