Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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