I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
