I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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