everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
