I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize