Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
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I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
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she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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