chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
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Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
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So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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