A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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