i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
