But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
