If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
