someone owes me an orgasm
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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