The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
