I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
