He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
