Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
