my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
