doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
