can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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