I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
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I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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