Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
