Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
