who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Bring me that man meat
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
