how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
