Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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