Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
