Im at strip club and am horny
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
