I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
