remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
