Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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