I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
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You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
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I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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