OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
